Put to the test

My father recently developed a serious heart problem (now under control, thankfully). I got a panicked call letting me know that he had collapsed in a VA hospital parking lot (at least he has the sense to pick a quality location) and the only details we got were that it was some sort of heart failure causing dangerously low blood pressure and a heart rate of ~20 when they got him in the E.R. No information on whether he was stable, dead, whatever.

So, understandably, on the ride to the hospital, I had to consider the possibility of him dying or already being gone. I am surpised at how readily I accepted the notion. Not that I didn't care or find it sad, but rather its just normal. People die.

I have to admit that I am generally more affected by a pet death than people (it just seems unfair for pets - yes, completely irrational, I know, I'm not perfect) but I have not lost a parent and always kind of assumed that it is a case that would be different.

I would have been surprised if I had them , but no thoughts of afterlife, god, or anything like that really occurred to me. I looked at it as the finality that death is and considered what I might like to say about him, what I would want other people to know and remember. I bring this up as I have had believers claim that my view would change when someone like a parent died. Sorry, it didn't.

Happily when we got to the hospital they had stabilized him, put it a temporary pacemaker and he was awake, alert, and talkative (if a bit drained and uncomfortable). An order of magnitude better than was I was expecting.